How to Reconnect With Your Partner

“ A great relationship doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end.” ~ the love bits.

Where were you when you met your partner? I met my husband at a singles party in 1987. We didn’t have on-line dating apps, swiping or any on-line assistance. I was 24 and he was 29. We were both working professionals who were just starting our careers. We had similar interests but came from different backgrounds.

Falling in love came so naturally. It was exciting, exhilarating and wonderful. We dated for 3 years before getting married in 1990. In 28 years, we have raised 3 kids (youngest is 17 years old), moved 6 times, battled health challenges and lost loved ones. Life happens, and it can take its toll.

Conquering and dividing are the ways we manage the responsibilities of both family and career, but as with anything we do, it can become habit. Going in different directions for too long is one reason, I believe, couples are challenged.

Recently, someone asked me “what your secret to staying married?”. This question caught me off guard. Why? For many reasons ~ there is no secret, relationships go through seasons and if you ignore it like anything else, it can fall apart.

According to Women’s Health –the average divorce rate is between 20-25% - article . It peaked at in 1980 at around 50% and has declined since. In my opinion, this is good news not only for our relationship but also for our adult children.

Here are 7 tips to consider for reconnecting with your partner. Keep in mind, these tips are based on my own thoughts and experiences.

1. Become One – Find a place of spirituality ~ become one. Having a belief and inspiration will guide you and bring you closer. It may be religion, mediation, mindfulness or your unique form of inspiration. It’s highly personal, but important.

2. Work on You – Create the best version of yourself. Have you heard the expression? – ‘When mamma (daddy) isn’t happy, nobody is happy.” Take inventory on how well you are taking care of yourself. Be honest. Go 100%.

3. Talk to Your Partner – It’s important that you keep the lines of communication open and honest. If you find that old situations, past interactions and annoying habit are getting in your way, maybe counseling will help you understand each other and move forward. You can talk to your religious leaders, free state counselors and some insurance policies to allow for partial payments of support. Work through your differences. After all, remember why you got married in the first place.

4. Give Each Other Space – I love to be alone and need my own time to recharge. It can be relaxing bath, tv series, reading a magazine or listening to a book in the car. Find that space.

5. Schedule Intimacy – Oh boy. schedule alone time with your partner – schedule like a meeting. It’s critical. You can set the mood with candles, music and aromatherapy ~ you get the idea. Will it be awkward at first? Possibly, but over time, you will look forward to your time together.

6. Start a New Adventure Together – Talk about what you like to do and find a common interest. Some ideas are reading books together, cooking, photography, traveling, hiking, cycling, etc. You can even solicit your children to participate. We recently started running races together. We have participated together and individually but we love sharing our experiences.

7. Find time to socialize with family and friends - Socializing is just part of our DNA. Look at your calendar and schedule – walk with a friend, invite family to look through old pictures/movies, watch a sports show and/or tv series together.

Reconnecting with your partner should be a priority. Try not to view it as just another item on your “to do” list, but a way to enlighten and strengthen your relationship. Long-term bonds are not easy, but you have the power to make life together amazing. My wish in reconnecting with your partner that you find peace and happiness.

“Let the past be your guide ~ view the future as an opportunity to grow together and reconnect” – Alison Schneider

Love to hear your feedback and any other suggestions for reconnecting .. please email me at alison@alisonandco.com

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